A New Year

Well, we've successfully gotten through 2008. What was the best thing about it? I didn't give birth to any children :)

What does 2009 hold for us...hopefully 2 adorable and healthy baby girls, lots of visits from family and new goals.

Now, some have made fun or suggested that we do not make New Years Resolutions in our family. I am here to prove otherwise. First, let me remind you of 2008 goals (or as some call them Resolutions) which can be read here. In reflecting on those resolutions/goals I find that we did fairly well. Anytime we changed a light bulb it was to a CFL, we attempted to grow a vegetable garden where we had some successes and some failures, we used our own shopping bags at least 50 % of the time or more (every time we remembered to bring them), we started recycling but never started composting, and buying less stuff...well I don't know how I would measure that but we probably failed on that one.

So, what's on the agenda for this year? We are going to make it a priority to read with the kids from the scriptures every night. We are also working towards a family goal that we've set for accomplishment on August 16th.

Some additional goals on my part are:
+ attempt a modest garden again
+ incorporate beans more often into our meal planning
+ start a weekly meal plan
+ stick more closely to a budget

How about you? Any resolutions for this new year?

Why I Love Halloween

My favorite costume from the ward Halloween party. The Wolf who ate grandma!

There are lots of things I dislike about Halloween, too much candy, scary things and all the money you put into it (costumes, gas for going places, candy for passing out which your husband winds up eating instead). But...There's some things about Halloween that I absolutely love and because of that will never stop enjoying it.

To me, it's the one day of the year that you can be who ever you want to be - no restrictions - it doesn't matter what your education is, your family situation, your human-ness or even your financial circumstances. If you've always wanted to be an astronaut - go for it. Wish you were born during a different generation - no problem. Want to be part of the cartoon world - easy. Have a secret desire to be something other than human - we can handle that. Dream of being an animal - they are in abundant supply.

It's the only night where you can see actual SUPER-HUMANS like Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman and the Incredible Hulk (among others).

No one questions you abilities or doubts your authenticity. Your whole personality can change - you can be someone else in and live in another life for 24 hours (well, more like 18ish). HOW COOL IS THAT!!! It's the biggest most celebrated day of pretend EVER! Everyone is doing it, even your neighbor who gets a kick out of just passing out candy.

Let's face it, you don't have to go and collect all that candy, you don't have to go to any parties - even though they are fun and make the day even better, you don't even have to put on a costume if you don't want to. You can just imagine and pretend all by yourself that you are who/what you've always dreamed of being - or at least who/what you've dreamed of this year.

Halloween is also a great day to spend with family or friends and just have fun. If you are into scary things - go get scared! If you are into sweet things - go collect a bag full of candy! If you are into hanging out - plan a party! If you are into dressing up - the sky is the limit!

So for me, Halloween is way more than candy or ghost and goblins - it's a day for dreaming big!!!

The Perfect Meld of Human and Machine

My wife deserves all the credit for the contents of the post, since she has been the inspiration for everything it contains. As some of you MAY have noticed, Amber is a little green-conscious. I have said before and say it again: I greatly admire her for this, and for the changes she has brought about in our family to make us more earth-friendly. To name a few: we have a garden and have begun to eat food we have grown; we recycle more and throw away less, including re-using containers and making our own cleaning solutions; we use reusable grocery bags; we use cloth diapers (except at night and as occasion warrants); we (ok...my wife) buy local when we have a choice; we (ok...my wife) dry the clothes on a clothes line as often as possible; and, the one which is the subject of this post, we both have bikes and a trailer for the kids, and use use them for transportation instead of the car whenever possible.

The best pic we have of Jason's bike

I must admit that when my wife first suggested that we buy bicycles and use them instead of the car, my gut reaction was something like: "What a hassle. Who do I have to blame for putting this garbage in my wife's head?" Masking my inward doubts, as the ever supportive husband, I agreed without giving any hint of my reservations (at least I think that is the way it came off - don't tell my wife I fooled her). Little did I know how much I would love riding. And mind you, I don't use the word "love" lightly here. I ride to and from school and work everyday (between 10 and 28 miles a day depending on where I am working that day); I take it to run errands (if what I am getting will fit on my bike); and have ridden to and from church for the last month or so. I actually feel a twinge of disappointment when we/I go someplace and have to take the car; on Friday I drove in the car for the first time in three weeks-ish, and literally felt disoriented and car sick the whole time. The same thing happened on Saturday and Tuesday when I also had to get in the blasted thing.

This is how Jason feels about his bike!

If you are like I was, and are hesitant to give the car keys a break, let me list a few of the major benefits. 1) We are a one car family so now Amber can have the car when she needs it (which indeed she often does because we cannot take the kids everywhere in tow....sometimes its just not safe). 2) Riding a bicycle doesn't pollute. 3) Gas is over $4 a gallon; riding is free. 4) Its great exercise; I have lost 15-20 pounds in the last couple of months (that's sort-of a guess because I was getting so heavy before that our scale broke; what I do know is that clothes which didn't used to require a belt now won't stay up - not even close - without one) and have some definition to my legs for the first time in...a while. 5) I feel happier. 6) I feel like a part of my community in a way which I wouldn't have predicted and cannot really describe...perhaps because I am connecting with others who bike-it.

I could go on, but you might consider my other reasons trite. I will say however, that even though their are cons to riding everywhere...none of them seem to matter: I don't mind being hot and sweaty when I get places because I will cool off in 15 minutes (and sometimes have on a clean pair of clothes) and because I got there on my own steam. I don't mind it taking a little longer to get places because it doesn't really take that much longer (you would be surprised how fast you can get around). I don't even really mind the occasional flat tire (I had my first today...thanks for stopping to help Dave) because...well...I didn't' really feel like a biker until I had one (consider it an initiation into the club); it also felt nice to be able to stop on the side of the road, fix my bike, and be on my way again. I am not even bothered by the occasional mindless ignoramuses who yell out "get a car" (or other things which I won't repeat) as they speed past me, exhaust billowing out their tail pipe; they are the ones who don't get it. Buy a bike I say! Stop putting the pedal to the metal and just start pedaling!

To track our success in using our bicycles whenever possible (and maybe to indulge just a little in my excitement for my newfound mode of transportation). I am going to start tracking on the side bar how many miles we put on our bicycles and how many we put on the car. My plan is to do a day by day for each week for Myself alone, Amber alone, and for when we go someplace as a family. Mind you this is NOT a competition between myself and Amber; our situations are very different. It's just a way for each of us to see how we are doing individually and as a family. We also thought others might find it interesting.

Jason was very excited - at least it seemed to me, to start biking it. He went through many hours of looking for a bike. The first one was fine but I can see such a difference in how he feels about biking with his second one. The first one he would grip about, the second one he raves about (all the time!!! it's a little over the top but don't tell him that :)

So a few "keys" to biking-it 1) find a bike you LOVE 2) figure out the best times of day to run errands 3) map out the best biking roads - some just are not safe! 4) live as close to the center of town as you can - the closer you are to your everyday stops the more you will be motivated to bike it instead 5) lastly, make sure your bike is adjusted correctly and has the proper air pressure, brakes that catch can really influence your love/hate relationship with your bike - we can both attest to that.

(comments in red are Amber's)

The Fifth Element

(statements in orange have been updated to this post on 2/24/08)

Meaty Chunks recently posted "While You Were Sleeping"
Xochitl Girl posted "A Beautiful Mind"

Now, I certainly can't deny the temptation to follow suit and post "The Fifth Element"

What are the first four elements? Well if you've seen the movie then you know they are Earth, Wind, Fire and Water. If you didn't see the movie, well, now you know.

The fifth element is the human element. I'm reading The Omnivore's Dilemma and it really has got me to think about the human element.

Most of my life my food has either come from a can or a box. Growing up my mom worked full time and raised at least 4 of her six kids pretty much on her own (please note, I'm not downing my dad here, I'm just painting a picture) so she didn't have a lot of time on her hands and it was a struggle just to get us all up in the morning, much less prepare food from scratch. Sure, I had grandparents, one set had a huge garden and the other set had a pretty good sized garden, chickens and even a peach farm. Yes, my family even had a garden, peach trees (5), blackberry bushes (2), chickens and birds too. But pretty much all of that stopped for all 3 house holds at about the same time, that was when I was in my preteen years. So, yeah, I knew corn could be grown and eaten but that's corn on the cob - not regular corn...or at least this has been my thought for many, many years. I'm not saying I'm stupid, what I'm saying is that I simply didn't put 2 and 2 together and with supermarkets...who needs to.

Well, I need to now! That's what I'm talking about and thinking about, and when you see my book review on Michael Pollan's book you'll see where this all started. I lost the human element, the element of being connected to my food source and knowing how it came to be and what it is.

Sometimes at dinner we play this game...Either Jason or I say "Man, Mommy/Daddy sure does make good xyz." Sometimes it's pasta, sometimes beans ... whatever happens to be on the menu. Then we begin telling the story of how it all came to be right there on the table in front of us (or at least how it would have come to be on our table IF we were the human element of our food). Jason is way better at this game than I am, he'll say, "You see Abygail, last fall I harvested the wheat that was growing in our field..." and he'll continue on with what harvesting consisted of. Then he'll tell how he made it into wheat, and how that wheat was combined with eggs from the chickens (including how the eggs where gathered) and so on and so on through all the elements of our dinner, until you get to the cooking, setting the table and eating stage. Sometimes we have to stop and really think "wait, how does that happen, how does cheese come about, or where would we have to go to catch a salmon". (The first time we played this it was Macaroni and Cheese - try that one, a seemingly simple dish can be very complex.) It's fun to see what it would take to really make a meal without help from the supermarket or farmers market. (Again - not down on supermarkets because let's face it...if it wasn't for them I would have starved to death a long time ago and my mom would have gone insane too.) You should try this game - it's great family time fun.

Another thing that's been running through my head: I look at our dinners/lunches/breakfasts in a different way now. Mostly dinners because they are more complex. I think about how I can make it from scratch. Take last night's meal for instance: black beans, Rotel tomatoes, canned corn mixed with spices and simmered for a good while then served over rice. I look at it and think - "how can I make this fresh". It dawns on me, you shave the corn off the cob and freeze it, you preserve the tomatoes with hot peppers, you dry the beans (I don't know about rice, is it even possible to grow in this country?). Then when it's dinner time you use what you harvested.

My point is - I'm really excited for this summer and the change it will bring. I'm really excited about being an element of my food and for my children to know where food comes from. I know it's going to be hard and it's going to be a lot of trial and error and there will be some successes and some failures but, we'll be connected.

A Bee Line

This morning I awoke to a snow covered lawn. I promptly declared "SNOW DAY"! We really didn't do much of anything, just another regular day in our house.

One thing did happen of note today:

While Jason shoveled the drive and walk Abygail played in the snow. I watched from our lovely large windows in the living room and dining room. As I watched I noticed the difference in the paths she left in the snow and the paths that Jason left. Abygail's were the paths of a busy bee round and round, here and there - no preplanned course, just having fun. Jason's were straight, direct and from here to there.

Words cannot do justice to how much this really struck me at the time and even now. The path of the child (in this case, Abygail) is free and unencumbered by the lessons and heartbreaks of life. It's unmeasured in time. It's unrestricted by self doubt or preconceived limits. It's unmarred by defeats and failures. It's free to take on a life of it's own, to be creative and enjoy the newness of it's surroundings.

I hope that I can remember this the next time I play in the snow. Instead walking straight from point "a" to point "b" let's dance the path in between!

My Mantra

"Better Today Than I Was Yesterday"

This is a mantra I've repeated to myself several times (sometimes more than once a day) for a few weeks. We had a lesson at church a few weeks ago, becoming more like Christ, and I had a thought which I shared at the time and have held on to since. The thought: 'we aren't asked to be the BEST right now, we are asked to be better than we were yesterday'. At least that's my take on the council we've been receiving from The Prophet for several years now, "be a little better, do a little more".

This is something I have to keep reminding myself of because I am my biggest critic and worst judge, often I think 'If I can't be the best right now than why even try'. That way of thinking is just wrong, we only become the best by trying everyday and making goals to be better today than we were yesterday.

(this is in my head because I was chanting it to myself last night when I was doing dishes that I had left over from the night before. I was tired and didn't really want to do them but...better today than I was yesterday got me through - at least most of them)

Thinking It Over

Two of the blogs that I frequent are running challenges right now. I really enjoy the different challenges because they are helping me to really think about things differently than before.

The Crunchy Chicken is running a month long No Waste challenge. As I ate dinner this evening and served my family (especially the little ones) I really thought about how much food I was putting on the plate and trying to not over serve them. This week we are to collect all our wasted food and weigh it at the end of the week. I'm keeping ours in a zip lock bag and so far it's not too much (but who's to say what's too much). I've noticed that normally I throw lots more away so I think this is helping me to really think about our food consumption and food waste.

Another challenge is at Chile Chews. The challenge:

Presenting my very first challenge. Reduce-Reuse-Recycle: Rethink it! The purpose of this challenge is to help you reduce your consumption, expenses, and garbage by getting you to think about every aspect of the recycling logo. Break out of old habits and find new ways to reduce your consumption, reuse what you can in creative ways, and recycle everything else.

Can something I am consuming be used/recycled in a new creative way? This is what I was thinking about as I threw away the packaging from Abygail's snack of blueberries and cheese. "How can I reuse these containers/packaging?" I thought to myself. Well, I didn't come up with anything, but the point is I'm trying to think of things in a new and creative way. What I did realize is that if I made my own cheese, which I hear is easy to do, and grow my own fruits and veggies there is no packaging/containers from the store to worry about.

Along those same lines, on Sunday I made chile. It was a super simple chile that consisted of 2 cans of beans, 2 cans diced chile style tomatoes, 1 can of rotelle tomatoes, 1 can of tomato sauce, mexican seasonings, cumin and 3/4 lbs of ground beef (I always buy the ground meat in the large size, which usually equals out to be 5 1/2 lbs, and then section it into 6 portions for later use). I realized that if I had my own garden (when I have my own garden) I could have (can) make this meal with my own canned tomatoes, beans and spices and only have to buy some spices and meat, if I still chose to use it. What a money saver that could (will) be!

Anyway, those are just my thoughts, enjoy.

Inspired

Recently I've been really inspired by so many blogs out there that talk about the environment, conservation and even getting back to the basics. I've already penned (typed) some of my New Years resolutions (you'll see them posted after Christmas). I've come to the following belief: just because we can doesn't mean we should. Let me expound on that a bit...
...turn on the water
...buy any kind of produce imaginable
...drive
...etc.

I'm not saying that we should never do any of the above. What I'm saying is that I grew up knowing that every time I twist the handles on the water faucet water would come out. I didn't think about how much water I used while I washed my hands and slowly during the winter so that I could warm my hands up. Just because I can hold my hands under the warm water for 5 mins to warm them up doesn't mean I should waste all that water. I didn't think about how much water the toilet used each and every time I went to the bathroom. Just because I could use a full tank of water to flush doesn't mean I needed to or should. I didn't think about wasting half a glass of water because it was no longer cold and so I would just toss it down the sink and get a fresh glass, again filled to the rim. Just because I could get a fresh cold glass of water doesn't mean I should just toss out the old water (instead of putting it over a plant or drinking it anyway).

We live in a society where an abundance is just a given, we don't tend to think about where our food is coming from...as long as it comes and we can choose what we want. We don't tend to think about how much oil is left in the world...as long as the gas station has gas and we can fill up at our convenience, that's good enough for us. I know a lot of people do think about this but maybe not enough, or enough of the time.

I'm not perfect and I still have SO MUCH work to do in this area but I wanted to share. I also think by putting these thoughts down I will have a better chance of following through with them and remembering them too. These are just my thoughts and I felt compelled to share them with you. Do what you will with them.

Here are a few sites that I've really been digging. As an added bonus, I've added them to the side of our blog under the heading of "Making A Difference".

Chile Chews
Crunchy Chicken
Earth Lab
Simply Authentic
The Story of Stuff

There is always some really good stuff on these sites. There are a lot of good sites out there but these are the ones I've enjoyed so far. I hope you enjoy.

How Green Can You Go?

So by now most of you know that I'm a little green conscious. I don't consider myself green though because we don't do as much as we should. Sure, we have upgraded 2 of our light bulbs to CFLs and will continue to upgrade as the old ones go out. Yes, we use cloth diapers on our kids the majority of the time. Of course, I'm a light Nazi and turn out lights as I leave the room and if I see one on in an unoccupied room. As a general rule I don't run the air conditioner during the summer unless I'm about to die OR Jason is home. I always use cold water to wash our clothes (except for when washing diapers). etc.

But... I still take nice hot and semi-long showers when I get more than 5 mins to shower, the major electronics (computer, tv, dvd player and radio) are on a lot of the time. I don't unplug electronics that are not being used. We don't really think about our water consumption. We have itty bittys (little ones) so we don't try lowering the gas bill or worry about the temp. indoors being too high in the winter. etc.

However... We do plan on growing our own garden and making our own compost when we move. Since reading A,M,V I try buying organic and free range when possible. This year almost all our produce will be purchased from local farmers through a Community Supported Agriculture program, to prevent 'Oily Foods' (foods shipped over lots of miles using un-needed gas, non organics using fertilizers with petroleum. If we had the money we would put up a solar energy cell on the house. etc.

But this, wow! My green hat is off to you Ms. Chile. I'm not sure that I could ever be that green.

Book: Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

I know I said I would not post anything more about book reviews here but I must share this one little thing. I just got a book in the mail that I ordered several weeks ago and I've been tapping my foot and drumming my fingers for it to arrive. Dutifully checking the mail as soon as I hear it drop, with a flutter in my stomach and a pitter patter in my heart just to have my hopes crushed by bills and no book. Well IT is finally here.

IT is called Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life by Barbara Kingsolver. I haven't even finished the first chapter but I just want to yell and scream with joy:

"YES, YES, YES!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
MORE, MORE, MORE!"

IT is a true story about one family's adventure of eating only what they could either produce themselves or obtain locally. The author is a novelist, her husband is a biologist who contributed to the book with side bars of information and one of their daughters wrote essays on her experience which are included in the book as well.

I hope this book turns out to be just like the beginning of the first chapter because I can think of nothing more important, more compelling, more soulful than this.

{as she looks up towards the heavens she says} "Thank you so much, I will try my hardest and do my best to learn. THIS is my dream, what I am meant to do."

I Heart Quilts

I Heart Quilts with all my love! They are one of life's simple pleasures, nothing feels better than a quilt (at least to cover up with). It warms my heart every time I cuddle up with a quilt...not only am I supremely comfortable but I am also literally surrounded by love. Someone (not I because I haven't made one yet) put lots of love in that fabric by cutting it, sewing it and quilting it. They picked out the fabrics, or used scraps that were left over. They spent time and energy to make a work of art. I think of the person who made it with their hands and time. I think of what that person means to me and how the quilt was received (hand me down, gift, etc).

My love probably started back when I was in middle school. I had a friend, Rhonda, who I would spend the night with from time to time. We would frequently spend the night at her grandmother's house and they always had quilts on the bed. They were worn and thread bare (the best kind - well loved) and all different colors. I rememeber that the weight of them laying on my body was the perfect, PERFECT, weight to sleep under and the feel of the fabric on my face was delightful. They smelled of home and family - I knew then that I loved quilts.

I have a quilt that was made by a friend (John) of mine's grandmother. This friend didn't want it anymore (how awfull!) so he gave it to another friend (Allison) of mine that was my roommate for several years. I am now in possession of the quilt and I love it and the memories of both of these friends fill my mind when I cuddle with that lovely brown and green quilt.

Jason has a quilt that was his grandmother's made by her grandmother. I only met his grandmother once before she passed away but I think of her when I cuddle with that cherished orange and white quilt.

Abygail has a quilt that was made by a very dear friend of mine (Allison, a sister in my heart). When ever I see that quilt or wrap my babies up in it I think of the love that she put into it. It also happens to be the first quilt that my friend ever made and her grandmother (Billie, who I know and love too) showed her how to make it. That red and green quilt will forever be a part of our lives.

Jason and I have a quilt made by the same dear friend's grandmother (Billie), it was given to us as a wedding present and I love cuddling it. It's the perfect size and I adore thinking about her and her entire family when I see it. Now a family heirloom that purple and white quilt has warmed me on many a chilly night in Utah, Idaho and now New York.

ALL of these quilts are used frequently and adorn my living room furniture. ALL of these quilts are well loved and hold a special place in my heart.

I HEART QUILTS!!!

I went to the fabric store today to buy some felt to make 'duck feet' for Abygail's duck/chicken Halloween costume (duck/chicken is another story). While there I couldn't keep myself from looking at the fabric, I saw two ADORABLE prepackaged quilt patterns that included fabric and instructions. So today I bought 2 quilt sets. I aspire to make a quilt for Abygail and for Jackson. I have never done it or been taught how to but I have a deep yearning in my soul to do it so...I will. Jackson's fabric is orange and blue and has animals, Abygail's fabric is brown and aqua and has flowers. I hope that when I get a sewing machine and some time to make them they will turn out great and I hope that they too will share my adoration for quilts and know that I love them, my babies, with all of my heart.

Abygail is currently sleeping all snuggly on the couch with the orange and white quilt that Jason's grandma's grandma made.

Mistakes Of A First Time Mom

I couldn't decide on a good title so I choose 'Mistakes of a first time Mom' because that's what I feel like I do, all day and everyday. Hopefully I will learn from them and actually remember what I've learned the next time the same situation arises.

Photo 1 left to right: Garret the birthday boy, Parker, Ciela and Abygail

Photo 2 left to right: Westin, Parker, Ciela and Abygail

The Zoo with Friends:

Thursday we went to the Zoo. We invited everyone we could think of to come and meet us there so that it would be fun for the kids and the grown ups could socialize. It was really fun to see so many people come...and it was nice to see so many familiar faces at the zoo, there were at least 10 parents plus their kids. I think the kids really enjoyed it and it's always fun to see the animals. I really enjoyed it to because I have really been craving adult interaction lately. Jackson wanted to go a bit faster than everyone else so we had to split off from the group for a little bit. Then he wanted to be fed so we headed to the play ground. Normally I don't stop at the play ground because it's so busy I'm scared that my child will wind up missing, but this time it wasn't very busy so it was a great shady place to sit. Abygail didn't discover the slides until the very end and then she didn't want to go...but being the first time mom that I am I forced her to get back in the stroller and continue on when the other kids/parents were ready to go. This started a screaming fit that got us lots of looks ('I've so been there' and 'O, that's so funny' - you know the nice kind of looks not the 'your a horrible parent' kind of looks). In retrospect I realize now that I should have stayed and let her play - the zoo was really for her, who cares about my socialization needs or wants, I should be making sure she is having fun and remembers the zoo fondly. In situations where it can't hurt to stay longer...than just do it, the kid will remember the fun time rather than a mommy that makes her stop playing. O well, I make lots of mistakes. Impatience is my biggest.

Story Time with Miss Lucy:
Today we went to story time and I'm so glad we did! We should have gone so much sooner.
Miss Lucy is the Librarian that directs it and she is so good. Abygail got to sing and dance. They talked about colors and body parts. It was a lot of fun. Abygail seemed to be very out going though, since we were in a closed room I decided to let her do her own thing. Most of the time she was paying attention and participating...but she also walked around, tried to open the door, tried to take another kids food (why are you feeding your kid at story time?) Handed several books to another mom and asked her to read.. and the list goes on. I'm not sure if this is because we haven't taught her manners very well or if she is a confident and secure child or just a free spirit. I will try to believe it's that she is a confident and secure child. Oh, I should mention, we were at the library early and got to wait outside until it opened, we saw a huge flock of geese and Abygail wanted to go and play with them. I didn't let her for fear of them getting mean and 'bitting' her. She took it ok, I just distracted her by showing her the beautiful flowers that were planted all around. I really feel like I should be doing more with her...story times, art projects, educational one on one time, singing and dancing, GOING TO THE PARK, and kid/parent stuff like that. I love doing these things with her but I have to remind myself to put forth the effort and remember to do them.

If 15 mins of sleeping in the car doesn't equal a nap than 90 mins of crying must...right?:
She didn't want to take a nap today because she had fallen asleep in the car and unfortunately woken up before I could lay her down once we got inside. So I thought, ok well, we'll just act like you haven't had a nap yet and do everything just like we normally do...well...it didn't work. After an hour and a half I decided that it just wasn't worth trying anymore.

Sweet Kisses:
Abygail has been such a kisser lately. When I buckler her into her car seat she gives me kisses over and over again. It's so sweet and cute and endearing. She also does this when she goes to bed, and when she wakes up. I really should just enjoy those moments instead of rushing around to get places or hurrying her to bed.

The View

I saw it...did you? I don't normally watch The View, I just happened upon it this morning. I completely agree with this assessment of the show today.